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Where does confidence come from?

Updated: Apr 24, 2023

Have you ever said to yourself “I want to improve my confidence and self-esteem but I can’t because X,Y and Z are holding me back’? X could be “people will laugh at me and think I’m being weird if I change my ways”. Y might be “I’ve tried before and failed so it doesn’t work for me” and Z may sound something like “that’s for other people, not for me”.

Don’t Worry

All of these statements are true only because you continually repeat them and allow them to be.

Be Happy

All of these statements can be changed, they are not fixed, you may believe that there is truth in them but they don’t belong to you and certainly don’t define you.

Getting to the root cause of statements, beliefs or mantras is essential to changing them. Discovering who assigned labels to you, and understanding that you were not responsible for them can often be the first step towards creating new, truer, authentic beliefs about yourself that you own and are fulfilled by. Self-esteem belongs to you and you only and you deserve to enjoy it as much as anyone else.

You are enough

Maybe you received repetitive messages when you were young that you were not good enough, that you made mistakes and that you never did things to exacting standards. Perhaps you had a traumatic experience that challenged your confidence or in some cases severely damaged it. These beliefs are there to be questioned and changed. And remember, a parent, teacher or friend who may have given you any negative beliefs is the owner of them, and you can simply hand them back by no longer accepting them as true.

Try this

A simple exercise to help challenge and change beliefs and labels that you have received.

You will need:

  • Post-it notes/paper cut into similar sized squares

  • Pen

  • Positive thoughts!


  • Take some time to think about different labels you received either as a child or as an adult

  • Write each different label on a separate post-it note/paper

  • Look at them and then scrutinise and question each one, one by one asking yourself are they helpful?

  • Choose 1 of the 4 following options:

  1. Keep them

  2. Destroy them

  3. Change the wording

  4. Write new ones

Let us know how you get on!


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